Kitty Wants to Play

My fourth and last ayahuasca session was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more different than I thought it´d be. Oh, silly Jenn. When will you realize not to limit Aya? I had journaled and prayed to Aya to show me more transcendant Love. Flying and soaring again. I wanted more of that. I also did give specific requests of her: -my relationship with Jimmy -what should I do when I get back home? Teach or yurt company or what???? So, when Aya took over, I was surprised that I kept feeling base and carnal sensations. Where was my journey upward? Another journey to the Underworld? I thought I was done. Time to fly. But nope. I kept being taken to a place, a hot, moist place. Orange. Everwhere. Not a bright orange, but more like a burnt orange. Hell?? I didn´t feel fear, but just a detached curiosity. And then a face was instantly in front of me. A beautiful cat woman. She looked like what I think Bast, the Egyptian Cat Goddess, would look like. I could hear her purring. Walking back and forth a cage, restless. She began talking to me. "You´ve kept me in this cage for so long. I want to be free. I want to be let out and walk with you." Me: (thinking) What? She read my thoughts. "I´m not bad," she said. "That´s only what you´ve been told." Her voice was seductive, I felt even myself being seduced. "Come on, let me out. I am a part of you, good for you, but you´ve grown up believing I´m so bad, bad, bad. Trust me. Let me out. I am instinct. I am desire. I want to free you." I started to feel this overwhelming sense of panic, which surprised me because I thought I had released all fear. And then I knew. It was my little girl, resisting, not wanting her to join us. She wanted for us to stay young and light and free of complications. Ahhhh. "Sweet little girl. We don´t have to be afraid. She won´t hurt us. She´s not bad, but a part of us who wants to come home, just like how you did. Shhhhhh." I rubbed her head until I felt her calm down. Turning towards the Cat Woman, I told her, "Okay. Yes. I want you with us." And then I walked to her cage and let her out. Her purring was so loud. She was so pleased and walked out and rubbed up against me. I could feel her seduction. Her feminine energy and marveled that she was a part of me. Again, she read my thoughts. "Everyone woman has something like me in them, but not everyone is as brave as you to let it out. I am not bad. I am a natural part of existence and a natural part of you. I have much to show you and we have much to make up for." Again, a slight fear and doubt that I had done the right thing, but I was able to take that off me like a cloak and toss it to the ground. Screw my upbringing that made me feel that sex is bad. My religion that caged me in. I had already taken care of the fears of the abuse, they were gone, but I realized I was at a crossroads where I could walk away from false beliefs taught to me through church. And I did. I, my little girl, and my Cat Woman, together, turned and walked into the orange light. The rest of my aya trip was filled with purring, so loud I could hear it in my ears, vibrating. A sense of satiety. It was also filled with a raw, feminine energy . . . power. I felt my body moving to the icaros the shamans were singing. Moving, moving. And then Aya came to me. Like a beautiful serpent and danced with me. We were mirrors for each other. I exulted in being a woman and for the first time, felt the power of womanhood coursing through my body. My mind. My existence. As for the orange light?? My second chakra bursting open. Hallelujah, the floodgates have broken. Here come the waters.