D-Day

Today is Departure Day #1. I'm leaving behind everything safe to me and heading to tumultous waters. I am going home for twelve days and as much as I love my family, if I'm not careful, I could drown while I'm there. I am excited to see them, especially my mom, sister, brother, and nephew.

I've enjoyed a lazy morning of finishing packing, reminiscing, being a little sad, a lot excited, being in the moment. I have this feeling that I am walking out on the old me, the new is beginning, and it's an odd sensation. I think that's why I feel kind of sad. It's normal.

J. and I had a great last hurrah before I leave. We hung out Thursday night. (I think he may have had a date Friday, which is weird, but I'm wanting him to be happy.) We met at Diego's where E. kept refilling my margaritas. I had to keep myself in check because there was no way I was going to allow myself to get all blubbery on our last night. He then took me to a sweet little restaurant called El Nito where the food is REALLY good. Man, we had the best time. There was so much intimacy between us, so much love, I could almost feel it. And you know what? We held hands, hugged, kissed to express that love. I didn't feel like we had taken steps backwards, or that we were doing things we were going to regret later, but instead, us touching each other, holding hands seemed so natural. We're not going to see each other for a long time, by which we might not be in that space. It was a tender goodbye. We went to the Hotel San Fransisco for a last Stella . . . . I love that man. I am so thankful for this graciously sweet goodbye.

Now it's time for hello . . .

Susannah and Carly are coming to pick me up and we're heading to ATX. We're hoping to find some hot springs in southern NM.